It's time for your Holy
Beloved Friends, Voyeurs, Jealous Associates and Lurking Agents of the Conspiracy. Do you, The Amazing Dr. Bob, swear to tell The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But The Truth? Say YES!!! (or else this whole thing is kind of in vain)...
We are gathered here today, Fri Mar 6 23:28:11 EST 1998, in the presence of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, whatever form he may choose to take, as well as in the presence of the ShorDurPerSav Pan, to join this Sex Toy, The Amazing Dr. Bob, and this Comic Book Superheroine Laughing Collie, in a TEMPORARY but no less VIRTUOUS bondage of Holy Matrimony, for Better or for Worse, but not for long. Do you feel the Spirit?
Put your hands on each other. This is a bond of Subholy Wedlock, so no matter what physical position these beloved may take in the next picoseconds, their Moral Standing shall remain upright. If there are any jealous losers here who feel this Sex Toy and this Comic Book Superheroine should not be joined temporarily, not even for a mere picoseconds, ....just hold your peace. We don't want to hear about it. Put your hands on each other. Hold tight. Before we proceed: has the Preacher been paid? Yes?
Do you, The Amazing Dr. Bob, take this Comic Book Superheroine Laughing Collie, to be your lawful wedded Comic Book Superheroine, in Short Duration SubGenius Matrimony, to have and to hold, in fact to do JUST ABOUT ANYTHING mutually agreed to, for richer or poorer, in sickness and kinkiness, through any hardship or disaster that may befall you in the next picoseconds, for whatever sick and twisted but no less blessed reasons, for the next picoseconds?
Do you, Laughing Collie, take this Sex Toy, The Amazing Dr. Bob, to be your lawful wedded Sex Toy, in Short Duration SubGenius Matrimony, to have and to hold, in fact to do JUST ABOUT ANYTHING mutually agreed to, for richer or poorer, in sickness and kinkiness, through any hardship or disaster that may befall you in the next picoseconds, for whatever sick and twisted but no less blessed reasons, for the next picoseconds?
Now get out the Ring. You do have a ring don't you? if not, use your handy temple o' Devo. We take this ring as a symbol of the Holy Estate of Marriage, and of the Shackles, the Veritable Handcuffs of Wedlock, as well as the Pole Going Deep into the Hole repeatedly. Now, install the rings. By the Authority Invested in me by J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, and in defiance of the laws of the state and of Nature, I pronounce you Sex Toy and Comic Book Superheroine for the next picoseconds. You must now kiss each other. You are now duly Authorized and Excused for Sexual Couplings of any preverse, unspeakable kind for a period of picoseconds, starting NOW!!!
If you don't, you make a mockery of the Sacred Institution of Marriage! Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. It Is Done. AMEN, a Sex Toy, and a Comic Book Superheroine.
This Temporary Bonding of picoseconds has been performed and approved by an Official Virtually Interactive Turn-Key Real-Time Multimedia Digital Internet Representative of the Church of the Subgenius.
Shur-Dur-Mar © 1992 by Buck Naked, Ivan Stang J. Victor Stark.